I am beginning to love my Thursday’s. I have been getting Thursdays off thanks to scheduling and it has become a great day for me to catch up with my life and my city. You know by now my deep hatred for the winter season. “If winter was a dude, I would punch him right in the face!” My line. My truth. Thank God I don’t end up in physical altercations because I’m not really sure what I would do with that situation, really.
As I make my way downtown, the sky is overcast and spring still feels a million years away and I am thinking about many things. I’m thinking another birthday is not far off. I’m thinking I hope my doctors appointment goes alright. It did. I’m also wondering about my life. I live a small life. Well valuable but small and I’m thinking God I’m sounding like a Nora Ephron script!
I’ve lost touch with several of my closest friends and newer friends over the winter. I knew I was in a funk but I think it’s gotten a bit carried away. As my 100 bus took me to my desired destination I was suddenly feeling kinda old. I started wondering if my life experiences have turned me into a jaded jerk. I wonder if some of those closest to me see me in this way. Well think about it. How many people do you know, write a blog every week that includes the ups and downs of their friendships and relationships. My blog slogan is “Let the Truth Unfurl” But who’s truth? Clearly only mine and that may be where the problem lies.
I like to think of myself as easy going. I like to think of myself as the life of the party. I like to believe that everybody likes me. As the bus motored along flashes of my long winter started painting me a different picture. Maybe the signs are I’m not that person anymore. Maybe the phone has stopped ringing and the dinner parties have become less for a reason. Maybe that reason isn’t because of anybody else but me.
I gotta tell you guys, I’ve had a very dark winter. Of course there has been some fun along the way but overall, and for reason’s I cannot understand, at this point but I have been somewhat low. Of course it poses many unanswered questions for me. Will this be on going? Is it stress? Is it clinical? I think part of the problem is this blog! Let’s face it. Most people don’t choose to share their weekly thoughts on a blog. I enjoy it but I think, possibly, that even though I am not using names of friends or acquaintances most of the time, without intending, I have created some bad blood. Whatever this cloud is, you can be sure I am going to face it head on. To be honest, to me the bad is just as important as the good because it does force me to grow and really that is what this blog is all about. But not on the shoulders of those I do care about however and that includes the new friends I have made as well as the old faithfuls!
I’ve arrived on Yonge Street and I’m checking out The World’s Biggest Bookstore (apparently threatened for closure this year), and catching up with some friends on my cell and it occurs to me. It’s time to get back to feeling Young. It’s time to accept my mistakes and hope those closest to me can forgive me and even understand I never meant any harm in the things I chose to write about. The truth of it is, I’m just a sensitive guy that, just like anybody else wants to be liked and included. Sometimes I get a little hot headed, yes? I think this long cold winter has cooled me off.
So to get my emotional spring cleaning started early, I want to tell “You” I feel bad. I hope to reconnect. If “You” think this applies to “You” in anyway. Then it does because I’m tired of being tired and I’m tired of walking up and down this fabulous street called Yonge not feeling Young at all. I will continue to adore my Thursdays off and hopefully, one of these Thursdays “You” and I can catch up and begin to rebuild what my winter of my discontent stole away.
The Worlds Biggest Bookstore
5 kisses out of 5