I strolled down Yonge street Saturday night as I do on many nights as I make my way home from work. Tonight my gal pal Lana joined me. She was restless and come to think of it, I think I was feeling pretty restless myself. My day at the shop was fulfilling enough but we were both on the same page with regards to company. She asked me to join her for one glass of vino at the “Duke of Kent” A pretty busy pub just north of Eglington Ave.
I didn’t seem any harm in ending a successful day with a warm glass of the gods greatest creation, Cabernet Sauvignon. In fact with the chill in the air and the streets beginning to hustle with sounds of the 20, 30 and 40 something’s, there was just the right amount of mischief in the air that I just knew I had to be a part of it.
We gave my other half Jude a call to let him know I’d be home after our glass of wine and gossip. There is always some gossip to be had when one doesn’t see a good friend for some time. There can be a few enlightened moments to. Although the first seems much easier. Lana was telling me about a wedding she was invited to and all the mishaps that come along with that sort of event. I know I sound a little dry about it but since I have been engaged for many years now, marriage seems like a distant dream. One that doesn’t seem to ever come true.
Lana is a fabulous “Hag” The last time we got together for a night of shits and giggles was back at the beginning of this year at an Oscar party on Church St. Every time we meet we are transported to some imaginary exotic place, like Tuscany or Paris. Both I have never been. She has this thing about her though. I guess because she has been around. She studied in Paris and some other interesting things and so with her hair waving madly on our chosen patio and our glass in hand we left the day behind and let the tales begin.
She was telling me about this crazy wedding she attended where the gays were straight and the straights should have been gay. As she stood at the open bar a very openly gay guy started hitting on her. He is so gay. He is Quay. His profile may or may not be on display on one of those boys forums for G wanting S&M with Str8/Bi Christian/Jew. But this night he was coming onto Lana! She asked him “Aren’t you gay?” He exclaimed no and carried on trying to razzle dazzle her. The story was wonderful. I know this guy and oh yeah he is so “Quay!” I guess it’s just his journey. I hope he can get it all figured out so he can be happy.
We quickly grew tired of that and somehow we started talking about Fathers and family. This kind of oral transition can happen so easily when sipping your second 8 ounce glass of Cab Sav. She started talking about her absent Father and what that was doing to her and her life. We decided to go for just one more glass and I thought I would share a little something I had stored in my life experience.
For many years my Father and I had a bit of a rocky relationship. I was lucky in a cense because he was always there just not always present. I told her something that had become clear to me many years ago when I was much younger than I am today. It was about personal journey. I told her I could forgive because somehow I understood my Fathers journey was his own even though I happen to be a part of it because, well I was born. I think we often feel problems we have with a parent is somehow related to something that we have done. When really, these grown ups existing around us would be probably acting out in the very same way if we were never born at all.
It’s kind of relieving because I understood these mistakes, these bumps in the road didn’t belong to me. It was his journey and he had to live it. My journey then became how do I forgive or come to an understanding of the mess that is adulthood. Let’s face it, when you don’t have children we kind of don’t have to answer to anyone. Sure we have a spouse or family or whomever but the pressure to live like a saint becomes cosmic once a child enters the journey. There is no excuse for bad behaviour as a parent or guardian but we can’t allow our own journey to get lost in theirs.
I think my Father is one of the best and it’s possible that my girlfriends absent Father is a good guy within the journey he can handle. The point is. It’s never your fault. Your journey is your own just as a parent has theirs or any person for that matter. It would have been just as messed up whether you were there or not. Free yourself from this burden. Imagine what our kids would think of us if they could see how we behave.
Your fabulous Lana and guess what. It’s his loss. You just have to forgive him so you can truly embrace what is meant to be your journey. Otherwise you will spend your days trying to figure out his journey and it is just not possible to figure that out.