My Holiday Purge

I’ve got to tell you – I am so happy the Holidays are finally over! (Not really)


Aren’t you? Let’s be really honest here. The whole season just throws off the rest of the year. Doesn’t it?


For example, you know you have been ticked at a friend, maybe a brother or your odd straight ballet teacher. Maybe you’re pissed at the special delivery postperson.  They seem to think good service means banging on your door, using the ornamental knocker. (Why does everyone else realize it’s there just for decoration?) 


Perhaps, maybe your neighbor is constantly stopping by for some cow juice because for some reason they can’t seem to get there lazy butts off their bidet long enough to get their own MILK!!!!! But, you have to smile, be pleasant and wish them all “Season’s Greetings”.


The satellite dish suddenly has an impromptu channel that plays only Christmas classics. Another over produced Christmas CD from the latest heartthrob – and you know who I mean and yes I bought it! Then, your co-worker insists on playing secret Santa although you can’t even say Santa anymore. And, if you do, you will go straight to retail hell which is really just another name for Walmart. I swear if I see another Christmas cartoon I’m going to throw it right at that postal person. Ah hell, let’s throw it at them anyway – they already pissed us off. Well not really, gotta love their enthusiasm!


I swear I’m going to steal that last crumb that’s way to small for a mouse! What about all those Merry Christmas wishes during the holidays, it replaces that fake hug you give that person at work whose skirt is way to damn short. for this time of year! If I wanted to see a bird I’d stuff a turkey! 


And all those greeting cards in a box! Imagine getting those year round. Here is your “no value” Birthday card! You weren’t even important enough to have a card bought for you, you real life Charlie Brown. Your card came from a box from the buck or two discount bin. You know the ones – they spell Christmas “K.R.Y.S.T.M.U.S.”. Do you really like getting those cards?  Ok fine I do, I have kept dozens over the years and yes I pull them out and read them from time to time! Whats it to you?


Then there is the inevitable gift! Stop buying me turtlenecks from the discount bin. Don’t you remember you got me one last year and the year before that and the year before that?!  And, praying for Christmas snow is not my idea of a good time. I don’t care what they sing in the movie! I’m really dreaming of living somewhere else – where my chest nuts don’t freeze off five months of the year


Then, there is New Year’s – what a sorry excuse for a celebration! Why in gayhell do I want to stand outside in the cold to watch some annoying “B” calibre performers like “Platinum Blonde” or “Fozzy Bear”? What I love Fozzy!!!I hate being pushed and shoved by strangers until midnight, when we all french kiss like ferrets because the clock strikes twelve. Doesn’t it do that every night? Well isn’t this just fabulous we are all another year older! LUCKY ME! LUCKY YOU! And, no I’m not starting that Janet Jackson diet to shed the holiday pounds! Do you know what this gut cost me?


Other than that, I guess I will miss celebrating the Holiday Season! As I sip my Holiday Hot Chocolate, I think to myself. You stupid idiot – they got you again!


I couldn’t resist this little coffee shop. It’s so cute and the vibe is “Yuppy Corporate meets the Bohemian Writer”. One can’t stay a Grinch for long, when stopping by this special place.


B.


PS: And who am I kidding? I really do love Christmas! I’m already planning what colours my gift wrap paper will be! Until next holiday season, keep those balls jingling and jangling!


Broadview Espresso

http://broadviewespresso.com/

Out of 5 kisses they get a big wet chocolatey 4.5 kisses!!! I will certainly be back!

About Bruce in the City

I have been writing my blog since 2010. I was inspired to do so after enjoying an amazing meal with some friends of mine here in Toronto. I decided to tell everyone about my great night and the fabulous restaurant I went to and shazam my blog was born!
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