All in the name of Jesus!

Posted by Bruce on February 11, 2018
Check it Out!, Shops, Try It!

The ice cream/coffee shop “Sweet Jesus” on Eglinton is the third spot in the city. The name kind of shocked me when passing by but then I thought maybe someone will open a shop called Sour Mohamed someday. Since being irreverent is no big deal anymore. The business is not without controversy. I think controversy can be a good thing. 
The place always seems to be pretty busy. It’s a trendy little spot. The lineups here are far more manageable than at the John Street location.
If the demand gets out of hand, you can always vent your frustrations at this snap chat booth where one can confess their ice cream sins or bitch about other stuff no one cares about. A rip off from the “Speaker’s Corner” days at Much Music.
The mornings at Sweet Jesus are all about the espressos. Did Jesus drink espresso? Anyway, then the afternoon they crank out several different ostentatious cones at sinful prices. As per usual, the SJ menu bills paletas in three signature flavours and one daily feature ($4), plus plain chocolate and vanilla soft serve in cones and cups ($4.95/$4.25). Seriously what happened to the $2 ice cream truck? Remember soft vanilla and chocolate ice cream. Who can forget that fast hardening dip? Anyway, now we go to signature ice cream places that gently scoff at a religious figure just for the fuck of it.
Just before you snap out of the hypnosis to over spend on two pretty thoughtless flavours, how much is it really to produce a cone of ice cream? 25 cents? 75 cents? They tempt you with the caramel and vegan peach options. They do affectionally name the twisted peach thing “Life’s A Peach!” just to add insult to injury. A full sized version is $6.50. You know you can go to the Carlton Cinema on Tuesday for $5. Just saying. Then they have these Mini Pimps ($4.95), they’re slightly smaller versions of the bigger cone. One can’t forget the Red Rapture. This treat starts with a peak of vanilla ice cream and is then rolled in red velvet cake and finished with cream cheese icing, raspberry puree, and meringue crumble. I’ve not tried that one but it does look sinful.
They seem very proud of their signature flavours such as the Birthday Cake with icing and rainbow sprinkles as well as the Cookies, Cookies, Cookies, & Cream cone dressed in cookie butter, cookie dough, and crushed Oreo, Fudgee-o and chocolate chip cookies. You know for me though, I just felt overwhelmed by the whole thing. And the staff was pretty dismissive and rude. What do I know? Maybe it’s vogue to be treated like a tool while your wallet is raped all in the name of Jesus. How wonderful! Oops, I just threw up a bit in my mouth and I gotta tell ya, it didn’t taste like like no $7 ice cream!

1 kiss out of 5


edited by Mary Ellen Monk

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